


The Garbage Will Do

by Ravenhoot



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, First Order, Force Bond, I just want them to love each other ok, Post-TLJ, Resistance, force skype
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-02-25 22:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13222305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenhoot/pseuds/Ravenhoot
Summary: Takes place 6 months after The Last Jedi so obviously, there will be spoilers. You have been warned.The Force Bond between Rey and Ben has continued even though Snoke is dead. Ben shows up in Rey's room every night like clockwork. Leia knows, but no one else does. What happens when Ben learns that Leia is dying? And how long can Ben and Rey continue their forbidden romance while on opposing sides of a never ending war?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title will probably change. My creativity was running low when I posted but I just wanted to get something up so I could post. *Edit: Originally, I was going to change the title, but as the story progressed, the title just stuck with me. Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> This is my first Star Wars fic, so go easy on me if some of the details aren't right. Please feel free to point them out to me if I made any mistakes (nicely, please).

It had been nearly six months since their narrow escape from Crait. Six months since she felt Luke pass from this universe into the Force. Rey had extremely mixed emotions about Skywalker, but she mourned his loss nonetheless. 

He had not been what she expected, but when she really thought about it, no one had. Everyone she had met since she left Jakku, with perhaps the exception of BB-8 and Chewie, had proved to be different from her expectations. Luke had been loath to pass on Jedi knowledge. Finn had lied to her about who he was from the beginning, but with good intentions, she realized. She still considered him a dear friend. Leia was fierce, for sure, but Rey hadn’t expected her to be so… detached. Especially since Crait, Leia had been less animated, more formal. But she reminded herself that Leia had lost almost everyone she ever loved. 

Rey had learned of the true depth of Leia’s loss from a few different members of the Resistance. Leia had lost _everything_ – her home planet, her husband, brother, and son… yet she kept fighting. Rey only wished she could have Leia’s strength. In truth, Leia had become a source of great comfort for Rey. Perhaps it was because she had spent time with all of the people Leia had lost and they sought comfort in each other. 

Rey stared at the two pieces of Luke’s old lightsaber on top of her clothes chest. She had modest quarters – a small bed, more of a cot really, and a trunk that sat at the foot of her bed which housed her clothes and shoes. Standard issue for Resistance fighters. It wasn’t much… but it was hers and she didn’t have to share it with anyone. For that, she was grateful, because there were times when she just needed to be alone. Especially at night. 

The lightsaber. A Skywalker family heirloom and now it sat in pieces. She had tried, unsuccessfully, to repair it. Truthfully, she didn’t know where to start. The Jedi texts she’d stolen from Ahch-To had passages about how to create a lightsaber from kyber crystals, but said nothing about how to fix a broken one. 

Rey sighed and stuffed the two lightsaber halves into her trunk. She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and resigned herself to go to breakfast. She had been eating alone as much as possible, but she still forced herself to make appearances among her friends, lest they become suspicious of her conspicuous absence. She sealed the door to her chambers and spun around into the corridor, knocking a docent out of Leia’s hands which sent papers scattering along the floor.

“Leia! I’m so sorry!” Rey exclaimed as she immediately knelt to pick up the papers. 

“Mind elsewhere?” Leia asked. 

“Yes, please forgive me.” 

“Nothing to forgive, dear. Have you had breakfast yet?” 

“No, I was on my way there now,” Rey answered. 

“Care to join me?” 

Rey nodded as she stood up and handed the stack back to Leia. As they entered the mess hall, a commander stopped the general to sign off on a few things.

“Oh, Rey, grab mine, will you? I’ll meet you back here.”

Rey collected two meal trays and by the time she made it back to Leia, the commander was gone.

“Let’s take these back to my quarters?” Leia suggested. “It’s loud in here.”

Rey didn’t disagree.  When they got to the general’s rooms, Rey set the food trays on a small table as Leia sealed the door. They ate in silence and when the trays were empty, Rey moved them aside.

“Any luck with the lightsaber?” Leia inquired.

“No… the crystal is broken. I don’t know if it even _can_ be fixed.”

“Hmm. Well…” Leia mused. She briefly fingered the medallion worn at her neck and shook her head slightly. “You’ll figure it out. You’re a smart girl, Rey.”

Both women sighed simultaneously. Rey warmed her hands by the little heater. She liked Leia’s rooms. She had a heater in her own room, but fighters were only allowed to run their heaters at night to conserve energy. As the general, Leia could do whatever she wanted, but she too kept her heater use to a minimum. Leia was very much a 'lead by example' kind of person. Rey suspected the heater was only on now for her benefit. Leia knew Rey came from a desert planet. Space alone was cold enough for Rey. Hoth was cold to anyone with a heartbeat. To Rey, it was what she thought of as sub-zero. They had chosen Hoth because of its extreme climate. The long-abandoned rebel base was deep underground. Rey thought it had been cold on the Starkiller base… but this planet redefined cold for her.

Rey was worried about Leia. Though she tried to hide it, Leia had been in a steady decline ever since they left Crait. Sometimes, Rey just dismissed it as grief. But other times, like now, Rey could see the changes. She feared their general was not going to be with them much longer. Rey couldn’t bear the thought of another loss. Leia read Rey's expression with a slight smirk. 

“Yes, I’m sick, Rey.”

Rey tried to look shocked. She failed.

“What did I just say? You’re smart. This is no surprise to you. The Force is strong with you but it hasn’t taught you to mask your emotions. You wear them openly. I need you to be strong. To be a rallying point for the others. They already look up to you.”

“But I’m no one… I’m nothing.” Rey’s voice caught in her throat when she remembered the last person who told her she was ‘nothing.’

Leia knew about that. She knew about all of it. Rey had initially swore not to tell a soul. But the more time she’d spent with Leia, the more she had been able to confide in her. After all, she was his mother. Gradually, Rey had opened up more and more until she'd told Leia everything. She knew the general would not betray her trust to anyone.

“Now, Rey, we both know that’s not true.” Rey wondered who Leia meant by ‘both.’ Did she mean herself and Rey? Or herself and Ben? No matter what course she took, her mind always went back to him.

“Why me?” Rey tried not to sound like she was whining. Her life was better than the one she’d left on Jakku. Certainly not easier. But undeniably better. She had friends now—a family. She realized sometime along this journey that she had made her own family and it was far better than anything she would have had on that desert planet.

“Because you’re a natural warrior and a born leader. Even if you can’t see that yet, I can.”

Rey swallowed the lump forming in her throat. “How long?” She asked, dreading the answer.

“I’m not sure, but it won’t be too much longer.”

Rey was struggling to keep her composure. She didn’t want to upset Leia. But when she pulled Rey into a warm embrace, she lost what little resolve she had left. She cried softly into Leia’s shoulder.

“So many loses,” she said thickly through the tears. “We can’t lose you too.”

“One of the great things about being ‘Force-sensitive’ as Luke used to put it is that I’ll never truly leave you. No one is ever really gone. It was no accident that BB-8 found you on Jakku. You are our beacon of light in a world of darkness.”

Rey sniffled as she pulled away. She wiped her eyes roughly with the back of her knuckles and cleared her throat.  

"Well, let’s not waste the time we have left then. Tell me more stories from the Rebellion.”

They spent the rest of the morning in peace. Leia told Rey about their escape from the very same planet they were now seeking refuge on and everything that happened on Cloud City. Whenever Leia would tell Rey these stories, she would make notes and planned to write them all out in their entirety. She wasn’t sure what she was going to do with it, but it felt important that these stories should not be forgotten. The Rebellion, after all, was the skeletal framework of the Resistance. Now that she had confirmation that Leia’s time was drawing short, she wanted to hear as much as she could from her.

All too soon, Leia’s commlink was beeping, indicating the need for her presence.

“Pick up tomorrow where we left off?”

Rey nodded enthusiastically. Right before she pressed the button that would unseal the door, Leia spoke again.

“Rey… Don’t tell Ben.”


	2. Chapter 2

_Don’t tell Ben._

Rey stood in the hallway and watched Leia make her way to the command room. She turned to head down the opposite direction of the long hallway. She needed to drop her notes off in her room and change clothes. As a joint effort, all members of the Resistance were working to make the base habitable again.

_Don’t tell Ben._

Preoccupied, her shoulder collided with something solid and she fell backwards to the frozen floor. Two calloused hands grasped hers and pulled her back to her feet.

“Sorry Rey!” Poe shouted. 

Rey shook her head and only then seemed to remember where she was.

“Oh… Hey Poe. Sorry. I wasn’t…” she trailed off. The notes from her morning chat with Leia clutched tightly in her hand, she realized she was right outside her door.

“Paying attention?” Poe finished for her.

“Yes… Sorry. Let me change and I’ll be down to help you and Finn?”

Poe shrugged, already moving in the direction of the main hangar, and called over his shoulder, “I’ll tell him you’re on your way, then.”

Rey glanced around to make sure the hallway was clear before unsealing her door. She knew it would be hours before he appeared, but she was always cautious. The one time she dropped her guard and got sloppy… well, she didn’t want to think about what would happen. If anyone found out—anyone else, since Leia already knew—she would be tried for treason.

She closed the door quickly behind her. The moment the door hissed as it resealed, she took a deep breath and felt her tension ease slightly. She couldn’t keep this up forever. The stress of it was bound to make her crack. Her friends had already taken notice of her strange behavior. How she was always on edge and looking around furtively. Like she was looking for something or someone that wasn’t there.

Finn, who aside from Leia, knew her best, noticed it first. The general had come to her rescue again, explained that those who were Force-sensitive can still appear as ghost-like apparitions after they pass on and Rey was probably just hoping Luke would reappear. Rey knew she would never be able to repay Leia for all the times she had covered for her.

Rey stowed the notes into her trunk and added a few more layers of clothing to keep herself warm. They were working in the main hangar today and the blast doors would be open. She sealed her door behind her and hurried down the hall to join her friends.

 

********************************

 

When she arrived to the hangar she found her friends hard at work… making snowballs.

“What the kr…” she started to say before one hit her square in the face.

She spat the snow from her mouth and looked around wildly for the arm that threw it. Chewie roared and threw another one at her, but this one she was able to deflect by using the Force to whirl it back towards the Wookie.

“General Organa gave us the afternoon off!” Rose hollered at her from across the vast hangar.

“Why?”

“Something about everyone being so somber and needing to let off steam! I didn’t see the point of arguing!”

It took Rey a few moments to process the change in the afternoon scheduling. She knew it was important to get the base back into good working order. So why give everyone an afternoon off? She thought back to their conversation this morning, specifically about Leia telling her she was important to the Resistance. And the other news Leia had shared with her… Maybe Leia knew Rey would be useless today as far as productivity was concerned. Yes, she conceded, they definitely needed an afternoon to decompress.

Rey, Chewie and Rose joined a team against Finn and Poe. Rey felt a tinge of sadness as she thought of Ben.

_If he would listen to reason and come with us, this would be a fair even fight. Three on three._

She tried to keep herself in the present and enjoy a rare moment of unbridled fun with her friends. And for a while, she did. She launched packed balls of snow at Finn and Poe, using supply crates and natural snow drifts as cover. After almost half an hour, she was soaked through all her layers of clothes and her hair hung around her face in damp tendrils. She was freezing but didn’t care. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she was enjoying herself without thinking of anything beyond this moment. For just a moment, there was no fear of the First Order or Kylo Ren. It was just… peaceful.

She heard the crunch of snow under Poe’s feet on the other side of the crate she was hiding behind. Just as she was about to haul a snowball at him and retreat to another hiding spot, she felt the Force pull her into a vision. No, not a vision, she realized. A memory.

The day changed to darkness as she heard the snow crunch and the familiar hum of a lightsaber. She could see the outline of his broad form but it was slightly blurry. She remembered how quickly the darkness had appeared after the sun was drained for the First Order’s weapon. To obliterate the Resistance. She closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them, it was over. Poe stood in front of her, snowball aimed but unthrown. He looked confused as to why she suddenly stood up, sacrificing her cover and betraying her position. She looked to the open bay doors and saw it was still light out, but night was approaching.

“Sorry guys. I… uh… don’t feel well all of a sudden. Don’t stop on my account,” she said as she hurried from the hangar.

The group didn’t question her because they knew for the last few months, as soon as it got dark, Rey retreated to her room. Because of the nightmares. It had gotten out that she was held hostage by Snoke and rumors had spread like wildfire about what happened to her on the Supreme Leader’s ship, but no one knew the truth--except for Leia, of course. At the General’s command, they were not to question her about it. So she let them believe that she was tormented by Force visions and nightmares and silently prayed they never found out the truth.

The truth that through their Force bond, Ben Solo appeared in her room every single night.


	3. Chapter 3

Rey peeled off the soaking wet coat from their snowball battle as she shuffled down the hall toward her room, trying to regain feeling in her toes. She shivered but continued to remove layers of freezing wet clothes until she was down to a final layer, barely registering that she was already in front of her door. She made her usual sweep of the hallway to ensure she was alone before pressing the switch to unseal the door. She smiled as she felt his presence on the other side of the door.

The door slid open just wide enough for her to squeeze through and sealed itself closed once again. She wasn’t able to lock the door but thanks to Leia’s insistence that she be left alone, no one would dare to enter.  He was sitting on her bed looking slightly impatient. Her smile faded as she remembered Leia’s words.

_Don’t tell Ben._

But now that he was here in front of her, how could she not? She didn’t keep anything from him, except her location. The Force connected them nightly but it always brought him to her, never the other way around. He only saw the room they were in so she tried to keep it as ambiguous as she could; that way, she couldn't betray the location of the Resistance to the First Order. She didn’t believe Ben would do anything to intentionally hurt her, but she just couldn’t take the chance of him finding out where she was.

But keeping this from him was something else entirely. She already had to keep him a secret from her friends. Keeping a secret from him was too much. Too many layers of deception to keep straight. Having to keep Leia’s failing health from him now made her dread what she used to look forward to.

Confusion appeared on his solemn face.

“What’s wrong? Why are you all wet?”

Rey shrugged away his first question and answered as simply as she could.

“Snow.” She knew he was at least smart enough to figure out from the clothes she wore that she was someplace cold, so she didn't feel that her one word answer gave anything away.

She tossed the pile of wet clothes into a corner and sat beside him on the bed. For the first time since the early stages of their Force bond, she was nervous to be so close to him. She knew she needed to clear her mind but the more she tried, the louder it seemed to resonate inside her head.

_Don’t tell Ben. Don’t tell Ben. Don’t tell Ben…_

“What is it exactly that you’re not supposed to tell me?”

Her eyes widened as she stared at the floor. She leaned forward and put her head in her hands, her elbows resting on her knees.

“You know the rules,” she said. “No poking around in my head.”

He was going to counter back, but he couldn’t pretend not to notice how sad she sounded.

“Rey. Tell me what’s wrong… Please.”

“Ben, I can’t. I promised. Please, let’s just forget about it.”

Ben huffed indignantly. Normally, when someone wouldn’t tell him something, he’d just force-choke them until they told him what he wanted to know. And if that didn’t work, he just retrieved it from their head. But he couldn’t do that to Rey.  He made himself move past it, telling himself she would tell him when she was ready.

“Have you found a way to fix the lightsaber yet?”

“No… nothing says how to repair a broken crystal.”

“Ah. Well, I’m sure you can figure it out.”

“You sound just like…” Rey stopped short. Thinking about Leia just caused her pain, especially now that Ben was here.

Ben felt Rey’s pain through the Force. He could not identify the source, but could sense it had something to do with his mother. It didn’t seem likely that Leia had done anything to Rey to cause that pain, so it had to be something… else. He focused in on it and after considering a moment realized it was more like sorrow as opposed to physical pain.

“Rey," he said in his deep gruff voice. 

 _He knows_ , she thought as she shivered again. The way he said her name, he had to have known. As if losing Leia wasn’t going to be bad enough, now Rey had to live with knowing she couldn’t even do the one thing Leia had asked of her. To not tell her son she was dying. Silent tears fell down her cheeks. Tears of sorrow, regret, and shame.

She was afraid to look at him. She knew about his temper. In some of their earliest Force connections, he had reacted in anger to the slightest thing. He'd gotten better about keeping himself in check. She was afraid that this news would destroy all the progress he'd made. Would he take out his anger on her for being merely the messenger? She didn’t think he would hurt her, certainly not intentionally, but this kind of news would make anyone irrational.

When she still didn’t respond, he understood.

“You think if you tell me, I’ll use it to gain an advantage against the Resistance. Do you really think so little of me?”

Rey didn’t answer. Was that what she thought? She claimed to trust him, yet strategically kept something from him. Was it truly because Leia asked and not because she feared what he would do with the information? And if it was at Leia’s insistence, why did she go through the effort of concealing their location? Her feelings for him had never been this convoluted before.

“I don’t know, Ben. If you’d just leave the First Order and come with us, I wouldn’t have to do this.”

“If you’d just leave the Resistance and come with me, we could overthrow the First Order and start everything over.”

“So we’re here again,” Rey observed. There was no fight left in her voice. It sounded hollow, which scared Ben. She was always so full of fire and life.

“You don’t understand. I can’t just come walking through the door because your general is my mother! They would kill me on sight. And even if they didn’t! Who would trust me? Besides you and Leia!? Always on the run living in fear. What kind of life is that? Why can’t you see I want something _better_ than that for you! You deserve better than living a life on the run.”

He was on his feet and pacing. Or at least, trying to pace. The room was only about 8 feet long and barely 6 feet wide. Just enough room to sleep and dress in. For Rey, it was plenty of space, but with Ben in there with her, it felt extremely cramped.

“Ben… I grew up alone inside a rusty AT-AT on Jakku. What makes you think I need a life of grandiose luxury?”

“Because…. You deserve it,” he answered like it was the most logical thing in the universe.

“But I don’t need it.” She let herself smile slightly as she reached a hand out to him. He sighed dramatically as he laced his fingers in between hers and let her pull him back to the end of her small bed. He pressed his forehead against her temple.  

“Well what do you need, then?”

“Just this…” she said, barely above a whisper. She tilted her chin forward and closed the distance between her lips and his. For reasons unknown to her, Ben radiated heat all the time. Her face was still mostly numb from the snowball war. As she kissed him, it felt like his heat was thawing out her frozen cheeks.

"You're freezing!" He exclaimed as pulled away.

“I told you I was out in the snow. Not my fault you’re so hot-natured. You’re like a walking furnace,” she said, laughing at the expression on his face.

He playfully gripped her hair and pushed her face into his chest, wrapping his cloak over her head.

“Well, warm up! Kriff, woman!”

Rey laughed as she struggled to untangle herself from his billowing cape. She teasingly pushed him away but he wrapped both arms around her tiny figure and gripped her tightly. She squealed as she tried to get away, knowing she couldn’t. She almost felt guilty for being this happy when she was with him. Almost.

As if he sensed the slight change in her thoughts, he drew back and looked into her eyes. 

“Rey, what are we supposed to do?”

She knew what he meant. They could not continue this forever. Living on opposite sides of a war and meeting in secret every night. Even if their meeting was outside either of their control. It was something the Force had done shortly after the Resistance left Crait on the _Millennium Falcon_.

At first, she had tried to make him leave and refused to speak or even look at him, refusing to believe he had no control over it. She insisted he was controlling it, just as Snoke had been. They would sit in absolute silence for hours. She would try to read the Jedi texts or stare at the broken pieces of her lightsaber until she grew tired enough to sleep. He never disappeared until she had gone to sleep and was never there when she woke. After weeks of hoping it would stop, she finally let her guard down enough to talk to him. She stopped believing his was doing it deliberately and accepted that it was beyond either of their control. Somehow, she wasn’t sure when exactly, she had started looking forward to the hour when the Force would deliver him to her room. But she knew it couldn’t go on indefinitely. Even as she knew that, she dreaded the day when it would stop.

“I don’t know. Hope that the Force will make it clear why this is happening in the first place. And in the meantime…”

“Try to forget that we’re both traitors to our causes?”

“The First Order is _not_ your cause, Ben. I refuse to believe that. You just think you’re too far gone to get out of it.”

Ben sighed in defeat and leaned backwards onto the bed, pulling Rey with him. He didn't want to have this argument again. 

"Ben, I don't know what the future will hold. I just know that now, in this moment, I have everything I need," Rey said as she propped herself up onto one elbow raising herself enough to meet his mouth with hers. 

She'd realized shortly after they began their forbidden romance that she was more assertive than Ben was. She assumed it was from the vast differences in their upbringings. For as long as she could remember, she had been on her own. If she had waited for someone to ensure her needs were met, she would have died long ago. She was used to taking what she needed to survive and wasn't afraid to be direct. Ben, on the other hand, had grown up with a family that made sure he was taken care of, even it if wasn’t by his own parents. She knew it wasn't a perfect childhood by no means, but she know enough to realize if she'd waited for him to kiss her first, she'd still be waiting. 

Rey had also learned that she was more experienced than he was. Before her, Ben had never been with a woman. She'd been embarrassed to admit that there had been someone, long ago on Jakku. Someone who had promised to take care of her. Who made her believe he cared about her. He had left her alone after he'd gotten bored with her. But with Ben, it was completely different. It was his eyes and his actions that told her that he would never leave her alone, not his words. Ben had told her it didn't matter to him that he wasn't her first. "As long as I get to be your last," he'd said to her. 

She rolled onto her side and nestled herself against him, her head in the crook of his arm and shoulder with her arm draped over his chest. The arm underneath her head was wrapped around her petite torso and with his free hand he gently stroked her hair, still damp from the snow. There were plenty of nights where they'd surrendered to their primal hunger for one another. But some nights, like this one, they were content simply holding one another. 

They lay like that for a while, both silent. Their breathing was methodically synchronized. Finally, Ben broke the silence.

“How much time does she have?”

When she sat up to look at him, Rey couldn’t stand to see the sadness in his eyes. That alone told her that he didn't belong to the First Order entirely. If he was as cold and heartless as he pretended to be, the news of his mother would have left him indifferent. Maybe he was right in saying he could never come back and be accepted. But she knew it would kill him if he didn’t get to say goodbye to his mother. He’d told her about how he couldn’t fire on the bridge of their cruiser after he’d sensed Leia’s presence there. Until Rey had told him otherwise, he’d thought she was dead after the First Order fighters had blown it up. Once he found out Leia survived, he’d been different. Only slightly – someone else probably wouldn’t have noticed, but Rey did. She knew he wasn’t as far from redemption as he believed he was.

“I don’t know. She won’t tell me... I’m sorry.” She seemed to be apologizing a lot lately.

“You’ll tell me if it gets worse, right?”

Rey didn’t know how to answer him. She was loyal to Leia… but how could she deny him this?

“I… Yes. I’ll tell you.”

Ben kissed her forehead. “Thank you. Rey… you know I…”

And for the first time since the Force been bringing him to her room every night, he vanished midsentence. The Force had never taken him away from her while they were awake before.

 _Why tonight?_ She wondered.

“I know, Ben,” she told the empty room. “I love you too.”


	4. Chapter 4

“love you,” Ben finished in his empty quarters.

When he realized he wasn’t in her room anymore, he balled his fists and stifled the urge to punch the wall. Of all the times for the Force to snatch him back before they’d fallen asleep, why did it have to be tonight?! He took a few calculated breaths and the desire to break things slowly faded. He was trying not to be so quick to react. He’d seen Rey flinch when he’d raged in the early days of their nightly Force meetings and felt ashamed afterwards. He didn’t want to give her any reason to be afraid of him.

He knew he needed sleep but was certain it would evade him tonight. There had only been a few nights over the last several months that the Force hadn’t taken him to her, and on those nights he slept badly… if he even slept at all. He doubted he would have slept even if the Force hadn’t pulled him back. He had a lot to think about.

First, that Rey still worried about telling him where she was. Part of him was furious that she didn’t trust him enough but when he really thought about it, did he trust her to know where he was? He was, after all, the Supreme Leader of the First Order now, so surely the Resistance sought to destroy him. Their numbers were so few, and even fewer knew that he was General Organa’s son. He highly doubted that his parentage would spare him if the Resistance fighters got their hands on him.

Which brought him to his second problem. His mother. After he’d killed Han, he had thought that such a heinous act would pull him further into the darkness and extinguish the light he felt so powerfully drawn to. And perhaps it would have—if he'd actually dealt the fatal blow. He’d known he needed to, but couldn’t find the resolve to do it. When he saw the red beam pierce his father, he had a single moment of shock until he realized that Han had sacrificed himself in hopes of resolving the conflict Ben felt ripping through himself. He'd never had an overly warm relationship with his father; it was hard to grow up reminded constantly of the grand heroic deeds the famous Han Solo had done in the fight to bring down the Empire. Han had also never been a big believe in the Force, so when his mother insisted Ben was Force-sensitive and wanted him to train with Luke, Han hadn't been overly thrilled. 

But Leia… when he was in his fighter, he couldn’t and wouldn’t bring himself to fire on her. He knew in that moment he would rather have died than kill her. And now she was dying without any help from him. She hadn’t wanted him to know. Of that much, he was certain. Was it because she had already let him go and felt nothing left for him? He thought that was unlikely. Leia was too stubborn for that. She would hold out hope for him until her last breath. The more plausible reason why she hadn't wanted Ben to know was because it would have put Rey in the middle of it.

Poor Rey… She really had tried to do as Leia asked. He wondered if he'd get the chance to see her before... Rey was so worried about someone seeing him in her room. At first, he thought she was being stupid. Since he was only there through the Force, maybe she was the only one who could see him. But then he remembered the look on Uncle Luke’s face when he’d seen them together on… wherever she was. He smiled at the memory. It brought him vindictive pleasure to remember the horrified look Skywalker had when he realized his newest student was consorting with his biggest failure. Which brought his thoughts back to Rey. As always.

What was it about this girl? It was true, she was a no one. Born to nobodies on a desert planet with no future. Yet somehow… the Force had chosen her. And so had Ben. He wasn't sure exactly when it had happened, but he had fallen for her. She was so spirited. Snoke had been right about one thing; she had spunk. He'd spent so much of his life alone with no one he could call a friend. Then Rey appeared into his life and nothing had been the same since. One thing Skywalker had taught him was that nothing happens by accident. The Force had intended for them to meet. It seemed their paths were destined to cross and blend into one. She was the other half of him. The yin to his yang. The light to his darkness.

Why couldn’t she see it? That he was willing to give her everything—the entire universe if she asked for it. But they had to let go of these ancient romanticized ideals that no longer existed. Jedi. Sith. Light. Dark. He didn’t care about any of it anymore. He just cared about her. She was his other half; his equal. Where he was fury, she was calm. She was _everything_.

He didn’t think it was coincidence that the Force had pulled him back on the very eve he professed his true feelings for her. The Force wanted them together, but apparently, it even had limitations for what was tolerable. Rey had been right about one thing, though – they couldn’t continue on like this forever. Eventually, something had to change... one of them had to give in. He knew she felt something for him, but if they couldn't even trust each other with their locations, what kind of future did that bode for them?

As he stripped off his cowl and tunic, he smiled as another memory permeated his thoughts. A memory of sweet innocent Rey standing before him in one of their earliest Force connections, asking if he had something to put on. He felt his tension ease away as he climbed into his bed. Perhaps he would get some sleep tonight, he thought, as he willed himself to think only of Rey.

Just before he drifted off, he could have sworn her heard her voice saying, “I know,” followed by something else he couldn’t make out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's so short but more is coming soon (I hope!)


	5. Chapter 5

Rey tried to sleep but questions swam through her head faster than lightspeed. Why did the Force pull Ben away before they fell asleep? That had never happened before. In almost 6 months, he'd been in her room every day just after nightfall. She wondered how (or if) he explained away his absence from his Star Destroyer. The first few nights were the longest-the ones where she wouldn't speak to him and he just sat on her trunk uncomfortably until she'd fallen asleep. She couldn't pinpoint the night things changed but just like in their first Force connections, she'd relaxed and spoken to him. The more they talked, the more she realized how complicated things were getting. 

She'd chosen the Resistance. He'd chosen the First Order. They were supposed to be enemies. She wasn't supposed to eagerly anticipate his presence, shouldn't daydream about the hours she'd get to spend with him. She certainly should relish the feel of his ungloved fingers tangled in her hair. She  _definitely_ shouldn't crave his tender kiss. 

There were a rare few nights when Ben hadn’t appeared at all and on those nights, she’d had nightmares that ended with her thrashing violently in her bed and screaming out. What was she going to when they lost Leia? How could their crumbling resistance bounce back from a loss that great? What was she going to do about Ben? He seemed genuine when he was with her and she never felt like he was lying to her about anything, but she couldn’t shake the fear that he would never leave the First Order. If there was any hope at all of him coming back to the light for good, she felt it had to be before Leia's time with them came to an end. The General had told Rey she was important and influential to the others, but she highly doubted she alone had the power to make the others see Ben could be trusted. She knew she would need Leia's help to convince them. 

She was so tired, but not in the literal sense. She felt like a hundred ton weight was resting on her shoulder and the more she tried to find answers and solutions, the heavier it grew. She was grateful for her friends and her new life, but sometimes the pressure of having so many people depending on her was too much to handle.

She stripped off the trousers and tunic, still damp from the snowball fight. She lifted the lid of her trunk and withdrew an oversized black tunic, smiling to herself as she drew it closer to her. It still held weak traces of ginger and pine. She held the tunic tightly as she was drawn into the memory of that night. 

 

********************************

 

He had appeared like usual. She'd had a particularly rough day and found simple pleasure in wrapping her arms around as much of his broad torso as she could manage and pressing her face into his chest. She'd breathed in deeply, picking up on unfamiliar scents. When she asked him about it she didn't really expect an answer. Since she wouldn’t tell him where she was, she couldn’t exactly expect him to tell her. 

“I wanted firewood,” he'd said simply.

When she had stared at him uncomprehendingly, he explained.

“I… get bored. Truth is, being Supreme Leader is mostly just sitting around giving orders to people. So I sort of.... just go exploring? Hux doesn’t accept me as ‘Supreme Leader’ and does his best to ignore me. Fine by me. So I took my ship to the forest moon we were orbiting and cut down some firewood with my saber.”

Rey had been unprepared for an answer so… humble. He didn't sound like he relished being the Supreme Leader, but then she reminded herself that he only assumed that position after he assassinated Snoke. 

 _To protect me..._  she'd thought. Sometimes, he seemed so confident and sure of himself. But those moments were fleeting. Most times, she saw through that thick exterior he used to protect himself and saw the real Ben. She saw his eyes, unsure and lacking confidence, and so often seeking reassurance from hers. She knew he was lonely and suddenly, she felt sad for him. Her life was hectic and unpredictable. They fled from system to system, always trying to stay a few steps ahead of the First Order. But throughout that chaos, she had friends. People she could rely on and confide in. Ben had no one but her. 

Her face still buried in his chest, she had taken another deep inhale.

“What else is that I smell?”

“Uhh… probably ginger. It's my favorite kind of tea. Haven’t you ever had it?”

Rey had shaken her head, thinking of the bland rations she used to eat on Jakku. Since joining the Resistance, she’d experienced a lot of new tastes, but so far, no ginger. She'd closed her eyes and smiled slightly thinking of the Supreme Leader of the First Order sitting on his elaborate throne drinking tea. 

"My mother used to make it for me when I didn't feel well," he'd told her. 

Rey had tried to picture Ben as a child many times, but somehow she could never get a clear visual. She always saw him as he was now-tall, broad shouldered, and brooding. She'd giggled softly as she pictured present-day Ben huddled under a blanket and sneezing while Leia brewed tea. 

"Not funny," Ben had said looking at her with his eyebrows slightly raised. He'd seen what she was imagining through the Force. 

"No peeking into my head, Ben Solo. Those are the rules."

"What rules?" 

"My rules."

"Since when?"

"Since... now," she'd proclaimed. 

Ben huffed in mock frustration. "Fine," he conceded. "But if the Force shows it to me, it's fair game."

Rey had rolled her eyes and began forming her counterargument, but Ben cut off her words before she could even begin them with a brief kiss. Whenever he kissed her, it was always hesitant, almost like he wasn't sure it was okay and was asking permission to continue. Rey gave him the reassurance he needed by kissing him back, soft and sweetly at first but growing in intensity the longer it lasted. Her palm on the side of his face, she'd slid it around the back of his neck and woven her fingers into his thick raven hair. 

Between the heating unit and their passion for one another, the room had become swelteringly hot. Rey broke away to switch off the heater and when she'd turned around, Ben's tunic was on the floor. She'd started at it for a moment and then lifted her eyes to meet Ben's. 

"I'll put it back on if it makes you uncomfortable. It's just hotter that Mustafar in here."

Rey had no idea what Mustafar was but she couldn't deny it was scorching. At that point, they hadn't succumbed to their desire for one another quite yet. The only other time Rey had seen him shirtless was in one of their earliest Force bonds while she'd still been on Ahch-To. At that time, she hadn't appreciated him for his physique, which was... impressive. 

She hadn't been ready to take that step with him yet. But his comment had made her think his intentions were innocent. He'd held his arms open to her and she'd slid into the small bed with him. Her back was pressed to his chest and her head rested on his extended forearm. She knew he had to be cramped between her and the wall. Alone, she had more than enough room but with him in it with her, it felt cramped.

 _But in a good way,_ she'd mused. She liked being held so tightly against him. He was so warm. She was so comfortable with him that she'd fallen asleep almost immediately after nestling in next to him. The last thing she'd remembered from that night was seeing his tunic on the floor and the feeling of his hand resting on her waist. 

When she'd woken the next morning, Ben was gone as always, but the tunic was still on her floor. She'd retrieved it and stowed it away in her trunk. On the rare nights when the Force kept him from her, she'd wear it to sleep. 

 

********************************

 

She pulled the tunic over her head and settled into her bed. Drawing the covers up to her chin, she reached out with the Force and searched until she found him. It wasn't a strong connection, but it was enough to serve her purpose. She felt slightly guilty for breaking the rule she'd created about not intentionally penetrating each other's minds. She knew he felt her presence when a sudden warmth passed over her that had nothing to do with the heater humming in the corner. That night, she had no nightmares. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

When she woke up, Rey immediately dreaded going to breakfast. Leia had promised to tell her more stories from the Rebellion and much as she wanted to spend more time with the general, she was terrified of Leia’s disappointment that Ben had found out. Knowing the general would just come looking for her if she didn’t show up in the mess hall, Rey dressed and made her way down the frozen hallway with trepidation.

When she arrived, Leia already had two breakfast trays and motioned for Rey to follow her. Rey had already turned to follow when she thought of something. She indicated she would be right behind Leia and turned into the mess hall. When she arrived in Leia’s rooms, the breakfast trays were already set up on the table and the general had started eating. Rey set down the mug of steaming liquid took a loose sheet of paper so she could continue her notes.

Rey tasted the drink cautiously, coughing a bit after the first sip.

“I didn’t expect it to burn!”

“What was it?”

“Tea. With ginger.”

Leia smiled as she remembered the countless times she’d made it for Ben. Until he got older, he hadn’t liked the bite of the ginger either.

“When Ben was little, I’d sweeten it with honey.”

“He said it was his favorite. I wanted to see what I was missing.”

Leia chuckled.

“He’s changed quite a bit. It gives me hope to hear that some of the old him is still in there.”

Rey took a few more sips as she stalled. She was not looking forward to the next topic of discussion.

“He knows, doesn’t he?” Leia asked suddenly.

Rey looked startled and then deeply ashamed. Her eyes welled with tears. She looked to the ceiling willing them not to fall, but it did her no good.

“I swear I didn’t tell him. He just… guessed. I was trying so hard to think of anything else but he read it from my thoughts.”

Leia rose from her seat and moved to Rey’s side, wrapping her arms around the girl in a warm tight embrace.

“I’m not upset with you, Rey.”

“But… that was the one thing you asked of me.”

“I knew he’d find out. I just didn’t want him to be angry with you for telling him.”

Rey sniffled as a thought came to her.

“What if we arranged it where you came by my room? So you could see him?”

Leia’s smile was sad. “I don’t think he wants me to intrude on your time together.”

“Don’t be stupid. I see him every night.”

“And you both look forward to it. Besides, the Force is what’s bringing him to you. I doubt I’d even be able to see him.”

“Luke did…”

“Rey… I think Ben still harbors a lot of resentment for me. I was the one who insisted he train with Luke. If I hadn’t pushed him so hard, he might never have gone to the dark side. I wouldn’t be surprised if he hates me.”

“He doesn’t,” Rey said immediately. “He’s… afraid. He thought you were dead after the attack on the ship. He shot down those fighters that fired on you. When he found out last night, he was hurting, even if he didn’t want me to know.”

Rey paused, not sure how much more she should tell. She felt like she was intruding on a private moment that should be between Leia and her son. But she couldn’t allow Leia to die thinking Ben hated her.

“There’s more,” Rey hurried on. “He didn’t kill Han.”

Leia’s head snapped up in surprise.

“But you were there, Rey. You said you saw him do it.”

“I thought so too. But I saw the memory in his head. He was just as surprised as I was. When they were standing inches from each other, Han ignited Ben’s saber.”

“But why would he… oh. Of course. Han, you old fool,” Leia said to herself. Rey doubted the general even remembered she was in the room.

“Ok, Rey. When you see him tonight, you see how he’d feel about a visit from his old mom. Then we’ll talk more.”

Rey nodded in agreement.

“And since we’re talking about Han, let me tell you some of the crazy stunts he pulled against the Empire.”

By the end of the morning, Rey had another several pages of notes. She felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off her. She’d laughed aloud when Leia retold the time she’d called Han a nerfherder. And that he’d flown into an asteroid field to get away from the Empire. Rey wished she’d had more time to know him. The more she heard about him, the more she liked him.

After she dropped off her notes in her room, she went down to the hangar. She felt that the best way for her to know Han Solo was through the _Millennium Falcon_. She sat in the co-pilot seat and closed her eyes. Leia told stories with such detail that Rey felt like she was reliving them as she sat in that cockpit.

The sound of footsteps roused her from her thoughts. She turned to see Chewie coming through the narrow doorway. He took the pilot’s chair and made a soft sad sound.

“I miss him too,” Rey consoled.

The Wookie said something else to her that she took to mean, “Not Han…”

Rey’s confusion was evident. From prior conversations she’d had with Chewie and with Leia, she had learned how close Han and the Wookie had been. It was more than a friendship—Chewie loved Han like a brother. Rey seriously considered writing down some of the stories Chewie had as well.

“Who then?”

Chewie’s one word answer took Rey completely by surprise. “Ben.”

_Rey suddenly had a vision of a young boy, no more than ten years old, with jet black hair and a miniature crossbow. He shot, but missed his target by several inches. Chewbacca stood behind the boy, adjusting his aim and encouraging him to try again. He did—and this time hit the target dead center. Young Ben shouted with delight and Chewie praised him. The vision changed._

_Now, Ben was about 13 or 14. He was sitting in the main cabin of the Falcon, playing Dejarik with Chewie. The Wookie howled as one of his players was beaten. Rey heard Han’s voice from the corridor as his figure entered the cabin._

_“Son, what have I told you about that game?”_

_Ben rolled his eyes and said in a monotone voice, “Let the Wookie win.” Rey suspected it was not the first time he’d had this same lecture. Han checked something on a panel and returned to the cockpit. Ben shot Chewie a mock look of contempt and said, “Your move, fuzzball.” Chewie guffawed as they resumed the game._

_The scene shifted again and this time, she saw a sight she recognized but had hoped to never see again. She saw Ben and Han on the bridge of the Starkiller Base. But this time, she was seeing it from Chewbacca’s perspective. Rey flinched as the crimson blade pierced Han. Chewie roared in aguish and raised his bowcaster and took aim at Ben’s head. Rey felt the stab of pain Chewie felt as he adjusted his aim and shot Ben in the abdomen._

With effort, Rey jerked herself out of the vision. She met Chewie’s gaze.

“You could have killed him, but you didn’t.”

Chewie made a long mournful sound. Rey’s heart broke for him. She hugged the Wookie tightly and left the cockpit quietly. This place meant more to him than it did to her. He deserved to have it to himself for the moment.

She repeated Chewie’s reply in her head the entire walk back to her room.

“I could never kill him. He’s my nephew.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the scene with Chewie, I was inspired by this image:  
> https://i.pinimg.com/564x/3d/55/65/3d5565641d7abe449bca37ba4fb0c46b.jpg
> 
> Major credit to the artist because this piece of art had me shooketh.


	7. Chapter 7

Rey sat on the trunk at the foot of her bed, bouncing the ball of her foot rapidly. After she left the _Falcon_ , she’d gone back to her room and cried until her throat was sore and her eyes hurt. Nightfall had been 20 minutes ago. He should have been here by now. She didn’t think she could bear it if this ended up being one of the nights the Force withheld him from her. Just as she had begun to accept that he wasn’t coming, he appeared at the foot of her bed as if he’d been there all along.

Rey sprang up from the trunk and wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face into his chest. She didn’t want to cry, but it seemed like that was all she’d done all day. First with Leia, then Chewie, now this.

Ben was taken aback by her demeanor and stood startled for a moment. He adjusted quickly, gripping her shoulders and and pushing her away from him enough so that he could see her face.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Two nights in a row now he’d asked her that.

Worry lines were etched into his handsome face. His eyes, so dark brown Rey had first thought them to be black like his hair, were full of concern.

“Ben, you _have_ to come home! There are people here who _love_ you!” 

His sigh held an edge of irritation. He really didn’t want to have this conversation _again._

“Rey…” He began, but she cut him off before he could say much more than her name.

“No Ben, I’m not just talking about Leia. Although if your dying mother isn’t enough to bring you home, I’m not sure anything is. I talked to Chewie today. He’s heartbroken, Ben! He watched you grow up! He looked out for you! _He loved you!_ ”

“Oh yeah, loved me so much, he _SHOT ME_! REMEMBER THAT?” Ben shouted as he snatched his tunic off so violently it ripped. The left side of his abdomen was a tangled mess of pearly white scar tissue. Ben pounded his fist against the healed wound just as he’d done the night he received it. Rey suddenly remembered, during one of their first connections through the Force, him wearing a compression bandage around his waist. She’d been so preoccupied by him being partially unclothed and by the scar that started at his forehead and ran down the length of his face and stopped at his chest. The one she’d given him. At the time, she hadn’t even remembered the other wounds he’d gotten.

“He could have killed you but he didn’t! Did you forget that you had just killed your father! His best friend! ” Rey shot back.

“I…” He faltered. “I didn’t kill Han. You know that!”

“But Chewie doesn’t!”

“Well, why don’t you set the record straight and tell him. Since you’re such good _friends_!”

“Don’t do that, Ben! Don’t get angry at me because I’m friends with people you gave up on!” Rey countered. She refused to back down.

“THEY gave up on _ME_!”

“That’s not true and you know it!”

“Oh really? Tell me. Who, besides you, in your little band of misfits gives a damn about me?”

“Your MOTHER! She wants to see you before it’s too late, you idiot! She wants the chance to make things right before she dies!”

“AAAAAHHHHHRRRRR!” Ben roared as he spun around so he was facing the wall. His fists were balled tight and Rey could see his torso rise and fall from the deep breaths he was taking. Trying not to lose control. Trying to reign in his rage.

She took a timid step toward him. She slowly raised her arm to touch his shoulder blade. He'd told her once that her touch was soothing and could calm the rage inside of him.

“Ben?”

“Rey, please, just… quiet.”

“Yes, but…”

“Damnit Rey! I said SILENCE!”

She had been so close to him that when he whirled around to face her, the back of his hand collided with her face and the momentum threw her to the floor. Ben looked horrified and stared at his hand as if it didn't belong to him.

“Rey! You know I didn't mean… I would never...”

He knelt and reached down to help her up but she recoiled from him.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” Each word dripped with poison.

There wasn’t a trace of anger left on his face. Hurting Rey, even unintentionally, had deflated him. He stood in front of her, arms hanging limp by his side.

“Ben,” Rey sighed. “Just… go.”

He felt another wave of fury that threatened to surface.

“And how exactly do you expect me to do that?" He hissed. "You know I have as much control over this as you do!”

“Fine,” she said matter-of-factly. “I’ll go.”

She turned to the door but when she reached up to press the switch, Ben reacted. He ignited his lightsaber and held it in front of her, creating a barrier between her and the door.

“Ben, I am not dealing with this right now. Let me go.”

“If I can’t leave, neither can you.”

Rey couldn’t help but notice that his reply sounded like something a child would say. She knew she should just stay quiet. Saying anything else was just going to stoke the fires of his temper, but it was like she couldn’t stop herself.

“Why not? I’d just be going to the friends you don’t care to have.”

She saw the hurt flash in his eyes before it was quickly replaced with wrath. She’d gone too far and she knew it.

Ben screamed again, only this time, his saber was already activated, so he swung it without looking at what it might hit. Rey leaped away from his wildly swinging arm, knowing there was only so much distance she could put between them in the tiny room.

“Stop!” She screamed. “Ben, stop!”

He either didn’t hear her or if he did, he ignored her.

As the crimson laser was about to descent over her trunk, the vessel that contained all her notes from her talks with Leia, the ancient Jedi texts, and the broken lightsaber, she clenched her eyes closed, attempting to still his hand with the Force. She screamed as loudly as she could.

“KYLO, STOP!” 

She heard the zzzzpppp of the saber deactivating. Her eyes shot open just in time to see his face. The look he gave her was a mixture of pain, fury, heartbreak, and worst of all, betrayal. Then he was gone.

Rey collapsed onto the bed, her breathing so rapid she began to hyperventilate. She held her head in her hands as she rocked back and forth, screaming until she blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ::peeks out from behind laptop:: Don't be angry at me please. It brought me no pleasure to make them fight. I promise it gets better!


	8. Chapter 8

Ben’s eyes darted from side to side until he realized he was back in his own chambers on the Star Destroyer. He threw his lightsaber into the corner. It made a satisfying crashing sound as it hit the wall.

He sank to his knees and then to all fours. He pounded the floor once in misery.

_Kylo_ she’d called him. Not Ben.

She had never called him Kylo. She’d used that name when talking about him before she’d known his real name, but she had never before called him Kylo to his face. Until now.

It was the name he’d chosen for himself when he gave himself to the dark side. When he’d let his former life die. He had never expected to hear his real name again… until her. Every time she’d said his true name, it had given him a little bit more hope. It had made him actually believe she’d seen light still in him and that he was worth being Ben Solo again.

But that hope was gone. She had been right the first time she’d spoken to him, that snowy night on Starkiller Base, when she’d called him a monster. He recalled how she had withdrawn from him after he struck her. It had been an accident, but the damage had been done. The disbelief and disappointment on her face had destroyed him. 

Her fear of him evoked another memory. A memory of his uncle’s face looming over him while he slept. A flash of murder instantly replaced with regret. Actions that were set in motion that could not be undone.

_Kylo_.

Every time he heard her voice scream out that name, it ripped through him like white hot knives.

It had been a name he’d fashioned for himself. A name he insisted everyone use. Anyone who called him Ben was choked, some to their deaths. He’d been relentless, madly determined that his old name be forgotten entirely.

_Kylo._

How could she call him that? After everything they’d become. The potential for them to become even more seemed like a distant dream now with pitiful chances of coming true.

He shouldn’t have lost his temper. He was just so _tired_ of her insisting he could come home and everything would be alright. Why couldn’t he make her understand that his old life was over and there was no going back, but if she’d take the risk of stepping into the unknown, they had the chance to build a future together.

_Not anymore_ , he thought bitterly. She would never stand beside him as his queen. His empress. His anything. He choked back a sob that threatened to surface. Kylo Ren didn’t cry.

_Kylo._

He felt sick to his stomach. For the first time in as long as he could remember, he didn’t know what to do. After the Jedi Academy, he’d known what he was meant to do – learn under Snoke and strengthen his power with the dark side. After she had crashed into his life, his vision of the future was less solid, but he knew she was his destiny. Now, he felt truly alone.

His felt a throbbing in his temple that made it difficult to see straight. His pocket felt heavy all of a sudden. He pushed himself up onto his knees and reached into the pocket. In his hand he held a medallion Rey had given him. He couldn’t explain how it appeared in his pocket when he usually kept it in a small metal box hidden beneath a floor panel. 

He studied the medallion as the throbbing in his head grew more persistent. It featured an ancient Jedi image of balance – a figure in the cross-legged meditating pose. Half of the figure was light while the other was dark. The background was light and dark in direct contrast with the figure. Rey had told him it was the same symbol in one of the caves on Ahch-To. Since Luke was gone, she hadn’t felt wrong about telling Ben where she’d been.

_Kylo._

Her voice saying that disgusting name reverberated inside his head.

_Kylo._

It grew continuously louder.

_Kylo_.

His head felt like it was going to burst from the pressure. He was fighting to keep himself under control.

_Kylo._

_KYLO_

_KYLO._

**_KYLO!_ **

“STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!” He screamed into the empty room, his fists clutching his head. The medallion hit the floor and rolled a short distance away before falling over with a _thunk_ much louder than its weight implied.

Ben lay on the floor. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there and felt certain he had blacked out at some point. He placed his hands on the floor and propped himself up. His joints were stiff from lying on the cold metallic floor for kriff knew how long.

He peeled himself off the floor and straightened his tunic and cowl. He ran a hand through his hair to tame it. He pressed the commlink button on the wall and a blue holographic image of Armitage Hux appeared before him.

“General Hux.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader?” Ben…. No, Kylo, noticed the irritation in the general’s voice. He hated that Ren could summon him like this. It brought him twisted pleasure that Hux despised him yet couldn't refuse an order from him.

“I want every available fighter, cruiser, and whatever else is in this armada to focus all of their efforts on finding that pestering band of Resistance fighters.” Kylo’s voice was cold and empty.

If Hux was surprised, he hid it well. For the last few months, Kylo’s orders had been vague about the Resistance, focusing more on building himself a new ship since Snoke’s had been destroyed. Whenever Hux had asked about Ren’s plans for the Resistance, Kylo had told him it wasn't a priority and not to question him. 

“As you command, Supreme Leader. You’ll be pleased to hear that the progress on your ship is…”

Kylo terminated the transmission before Hux had even finished speaking. He didn’t care about his ship. He honestly didn’t care whether they found the Resistance base or not. He suspected they would eventually. Even if they did find them, Kylo's first official order as Supreme Leader had been that no one was to lay a hand on the girl and she was to be brought directly to him. If anyone harmed her, he would kill them. And they would suffer. That was the order given out to all squadrons.

Kylo pressed a switch to turn his commlink off. If anyone wanted to speak to him, they’d have to come in person and nearly everyone was too afraid to. He shouldn’t be disturbed for the rest of the night. And he wasn’t… at least from the First Order.

As soon as he’d drifted off to sleep, he was haunted by dreams of Rey. Most of them involved him hurting her somehow, either with the Force or his saber. The only one he could remember as he woke in cold sweat was of her locked in an embrace with that wisecracking pilot he’d once interrogated. Something Dameron. In the background of all his nightmares, her voice repeating one word over and over, threatening to drive him to insanity.

_Kylo._

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

It had been a full week since their argument. And in that time, he hadn’t appeared in her room once. Rey had tried to reach out with the Force to find him, but came up with nothing. She could get no sense of him at all. She was terrified that she’d done irreparable damage by calling him Kylo. The look he’d given her before he disappeared had broken her heart. She couldn’t get the image of the utter betrayal on his face out of her own head. It seemed whenever she closed her eyes, she saw him. Looking at her with his deep brown eyes full of pain.

Meanwhile, Leia’s health had declined rapidly. Rey couldn’t help but think it had something to do with her fight with Ben. She had weighed the decision of whether or not to tell Leia about it. In the end, she'd decided to tell her, figuring she would find out sooner or later. Leia had been completely understanding and sympathetic, even though Rey knew she had to be disappointed. She had let everyone down. Leia had hope that Rey could bring Ben back to the light… and all she’d done was make things worse. The general managed to put on a brave face, but Rey knew they were losing her. Leia was spending more and more time alone. Only Rey and Chewie knew how bad it was. They were both sitting with her that morning, Rey finishing her notes while the Wookie adjusted the heater.

Leia’s commlink buzzed with static before the clear voice of Commander Dameron came through.

“General?”

“Yes, Poe. What is it?” Leia’s voice was clear and strong, but Rey knew she was weary.

“Patrol took down a scout. The First Order knows we’re here.”

“Prepare all fighters. Ground as well. Get as many people on transports as you can.”

"General? There's something else. Kylo Ren is with them. His fighter was spotted on the scanners."

Leia and Rey exchanged nervous glances. 

“Very well, General.”

The commlink went silent. Chewie said something to Rey and Leia looked to her for translation.

“He said he’s going to help Finn and Rose prepare the _Falcon_.”

Leia nodded agreement. Chewie hugged Leia tightly and left the room. Rey met Leia’s eyes.

“We’ve been here over six months. How did they find us?”

“I think we both know,” Leia said.

“Ben…” Rey’s eyes welled with tears.

“I’m afraid so. I believe he was intentionally keeping the First Order from focusing on us, until…”

“Until I ruined everything.” Rey finished miserably.

“Don’t say that.”

“But it’s true. I pushed him too hard. I should have just shut up and let it blow over.”

Leia took Rey’s hand in both of her own.

“Remember what Luke told me? On Crait?”

Rey nodded. “That no one is ever really gone.”

“Exactly,” Leia said. “I still believe you can get through to him.”

Rey was amazed that no matter what, Leia never lost hope. The general adjusted in her chair. She reached for the cane Chewie had made her and stood on unsteady feet.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Rey asked her.

“To the command center. If the First Order is coming, I’m needed there.”

“No. Absolutely not. You need to rest. You have the commlink and if anything happens, Poe will call you.”

Leia looked at Rey with sarcastic indignation.

“Well, who died and promoted you to general?” Leia said with a smirk.

“No one,” Rey answered. “But you’re the closest thing I’ve ever had to a mother. I’m going to look after you.”

Leia was touched. As the two women embraced, Leia said, “Oh Rey, you know I consider you a daughter.” She paused briefly. “Well, daughter-in-law anyway.”

Rey snorted.

“Somehow, I don’t think your son would agree with you anymore.”

Leia pursed her lips and said nothing.

Rey helped Leia to a comfortable chair she could recline in. She moved the heater closer to the chair and draped a heavy fur blanket across Leia’s lap. Rey knew the general was too weak to be evacuated. Until, or even if, her health improved, Hoth was where she would stay. If the First Order did come, Rey would do everything in her power to protect Leia. Even if it meant dying for her.

 

********************************

 

Kylo Ren sat in his fighter as it traveled through millions of light-years toward the Hoth system. Traveling at lightspeed had always made him mildly nauseous, so he pressed a switch that slid a panel across the wide window, blocking the blue blur of the stars from view.

Hoth. He should have known. There was an old abandoned rebel base there from the time of the old Empire. All the nights he watched Rey come into her room in multiple layers of coats and furs. He’d known she was somewhere cold, but didn’t really give it a second thought. Truth was, he hadn’t actually wanted to know where she was. If he didn’t know, then he wasn’t intentionally withholding information from the First Order.

When he’d ordered all available resources to find the Resistance’s location, he hadn’t expected results so quickly. Now that he was speeding towards her, he had no idea what he was going to do when he got there. But as soon as they'd notified him that the Resistance had been found, he ordered his ship readied. Hux had been surprised, asking Kylo why he felt it necessary to personally travel all the way to Hoth just to round up a few dozen rebels. Kylo had slammed Hux against the wall and threatened to choke him to within an inch of his life if he ever questioned him again.

No one was going to lay a finger on her except him. He still hadn't figured out what he was going to do with her. He could never kill her—that much he knew. But he also knew she would never turn to the dark side, so where did that leave them?

Rey. The little scavenger from nowhere who had turned his entire life upside down. He’d felt her reaching out to him over the past week, but he’d kept himself from her grasp. His thoughts about her were too convoluted still; he wasn’t ready to confront her. Yet he was hurtling toward her at the speed of light with the balance medallion stowed inside a hidden pocket of his cloak.

A light on his control panel blinked in time with a beeping from the console. He’d arrived. He pressed the same button as before and the panel slid back just as the ship came out of lightspeed. The tiny white planet loomed before him. As he made his approach, thoughts of Rey vanished as he sensed another presence.

“Mother,” he murmured as his throat went dry.

 

********************************

 

“Ben.” Leia said. Her voice broke the silence that had settled upon the room like a blanket of snow.

Rey’s head shot up, totally alert.

“What is it?”

“He’s here.”

Rey took a shaky breath and tried to quell the rapid thumping of her heart.

From the sounds above, the attack had begun. Since the base was underground, the walls shook whenever a blast found its mark. It sounded terrible.

“I should be out there with them…” Rey said.

“No, I want you in here with me.”

“I have no weapon besides this blaster,” she said as she gave the weapon Han had given her a little wave. “I won’t be able to protect you with this.”

“If I’m right, you won’t need a weapon,” Leia said assuredly. "Besides, we have R2 to back you up!" Leia pointed to the corner, where R2-D2 stood, beeping softly.

“Well, I wish I had your confidence.”

Minutes passed, but to Rey, they felt like hours. After what seemed like a lifetime, Leia’s commlink buzzed.

“General! We’ve got then at a stalemate. Most of the transports have gotten away safely. There’s one left.”

“Very good, Commander.”


	10. Chapter 10

Kylo knew it was no good going in with the fighters for the lead assault. The Resistance had had over 6 months to rebuild their numbers and were doing an excellent job of keeping the main entrance protected. He’d never get in that way. He broke off from the squadron as they approached the planet. 

He remembered hearing stories of his parents’ escape from this place. Han had used a smaller exit toward the rear of the base after a part of the ceiling had collapsed. He changed the course of his fighter accordingly. When he’d landed, he encountered one lone defender. Obviously, they didn’t expect anyone to come this way. It was, after all, unknown to anyone but the Resistance and extremely well hidden from the natural terrain of the planet.

He held his lightsaber at his side, ready to strike down the guard. He'd rather not, the guard had seen him. He couldn't have him alerting the entire base of his presence. But before he could deal the fatal blow, the guard’s commlink emitted the voice of his mother.

“Let him pass, Captain.”

The guard looked confused but obeyed his general’s orders. Kylo passed by the guard with a mixed expression of contempt and confusion. So, his mother already knew he was here and was voluntarily letting him in. He made his way into the base, letting the Force guide him to where he needed to go. He didn’t encounter a single member of the Resistance once inside, which he found extremely perplexing and slightly irritating. The Resistance's idea of security was laughable. Leia was the leader of this whole organization. She should be better guarded than this. If this was how they protected their leader, it was no wonder their numbers had dwindled to near extinction.

 _Unless she’s responsible for this,_ he thought. She had let him in, after all. She could have just as easily had an entire squad of guards waiting for him. But she didn't, so that obviously meant she'd wanted him to find his way to her. He wondered if Rey was with Leia or if she was out with the rest of the fighters. He'd seen the _Falcon_ pull out of the main hangar when he'd first approached the planet. Surely, it's purpose was to draw away as many of the TIE fighters as possible. Since he was a boy, that stupid ship had had quite the reputation. He remembered the last time he'd seen it, when he'd called it a piece of junk and ordered his lieutenant to blast it out of the sky. Seeing it briefly today made him slightly nostalgic and glad it had escaped. 

 _What the kriff is wrong with_ me? He thought. That ship had brought him far more misery than joy. Most of his memories involving the _Falcon_ were of it flying away, his father with it. Han had spent more time on missions than he had with Ben. Ben quickly realized that when he was growing up, it had been Chewie who taught him far more than Han ever had. He felt a pang of guilt as he thought of the Wookie, remembering the harsh words he'd said the last time he'd seen Rey. 

Rey. That damn woman. Maybe it would have been better if he'd never even heard of her existence because now that he had, he knew there was no way he could survive without her. He'd go on living, sure, but as a hollow empty shell with no cause to believe in. He realized he didn't care about the First Order anymore. Let them destroy themselves from the inside out for all he cared. He wanted nothing more to do with any of it. What once brought him a sense of purpose now left a foul taste in his mouth. 

His feet led him down corridor after corridor. He never realized how large this base actually was. Turn after turn, he walked assuredly as the Force led him to his quarry. But the closer he got to his destination, the less confident and more panicked he became. What if he'd misjudged this situation entirely? Finally, he reached a door and stood in front of it. Was she just on the other side, waiting to kill him? Would she even give him the chance to explain, to tell her how much he hated himself for what he'd done? 

 _Kylo_.

Her voice rang though his head, but sounded like it was under water, not clear and loud as it had been before.

“NO!” He cried aloud. He wouldn't allow that memory to torment him any longer. The moment he'd gotten into his fighter and set his course for this planet, he'd made up his mind that no matter what she thought of him, he would not give up on her.

_Ben._

He let out an audible gasp of relief. It was the first time she'd used his real name since they'd fought. 

Rey called to him through the Force. She could feel his turmoil on the other side of the door as she stood with her hand poised over the control that would slide it open. She blinked , and a tear slowly fell, freezing on her cheek from the subzero planet’s temperature. She backed up to stand next to Leia and used the Force to deactivate the door locks. The door slid open with a hiss.

Ben’s eyes surveyed the room the instant the door opened. He had sensed the two women inside and now saw them in the center of the room. Leia was partially reclined in a chair while Rey stood beside her, a blaster held limply in her hand. Rey swallowed a knot in her throat as their eyes met. His looked hollow and empty.

She took an involuntary step forward. She knew she was there to protect Leia but her connection with him was so strong it felt like she was actually being pulled toward him. The movement did not go unnoticed by Ben and Leia. 

“Ben, I am so sorry. Please forgive me.”

Ben, she called him. Not Kylo. The moment his name passed her lips, he could still feel the dull pain of her calling him Kylo, but it was like the past week had never existed. How could he stay angry at her? How could he continue to resist the pull of her light whenever the Force tried to connect them. Each time he'd resisted her call, it had left him in excruciating pain. He felt like he was being torn in two. How did she have the power to make him feel this way? He looked passed her and met his mother’s eyes. She looked so frail.

“Ben,” Leia called.

He remained where he stood. He stared at the floor, his lightsaber crackling at his side. He looked down at it in confusion. When had he activated it? The last time he remembered pressing the switch was in the hangar with the guard. Had it been on this entire time?

“Son…” She tried again, her eyes brimming with unspilled tears. 

Never in his life had he seen his mother cry. Ben switched off the saber and let it clatter to the floor. He moved swiftly past Rey until he was standing in front of Leia. Suddenly, he felt like he was 8 years old again and begging her to stay with him instead of going to Coruscant for a Senate meeting. He reached out and took one of her hands; it was ice cold. She held it tightly and looked at him now with the same sad eyes she had then, as she’d boarded her ship and left him behind.

“Ben,” Leia said. “I know I can’t repair the damage I did when you were a child. It took me until I was an old woman to realize it. Your father and I loved you with all our hearts but it wasn’t enough. We forgot to show you that love. We just always assumed we'd have more time. Don’t make our mistakes. Don’t look back on wasted time with regret.”

As she spoke, Leia’s eyes moved away from his. Ben turned to follow his mother’s line of sight. Rey stood before the both of them, cheeks red from the cold and fresh tears frozen to them.

“Rey, you told me of the vision you had on Ahch-To. The one that made you think you could turn Ben back to the light. You also told me Ben saw a vision that made him believe you would turn. You were both wrong.”

She stopped speaking to cough. Rey’s eyes darted between Ben and Leia. Ben’s, however, never left Rey. Leia continued.

“You’re both _so_ strong willed. Trying to force each other to bend to one another’s will. Trying to change each other is futile. You’ve both seen the damage that can do. It only drives you further apart.”

“What do we do?” Rey questioned.

Leia held her empty hand out to Rey, who took it.

“You find that middle ground, the things that you have in common. Rey, Ben will never be the pure innocent boy he was before Snoke’s influence took over him. Ben, Rey will never stand beside you as you conquer the galaxy.”

Rey could see Leia had grown considerably weaker just in the last few moments.

“So we’re doomed to remain on opposite sides of the same coin, then?” Ben asked miserably, taking the medallion from his cloak pocket.

Leia brought Rey’s and Ben’s hands together. Their fingers intertwined as Leia pulled her own hands away. She took the medallion from Ben. “No. You melt that coin down and use it to make something new. Something you can call your own. You’re stronger together.”

Ben looked down at their interlocked fingers. He glanced at his mother briefly and saw her give the slightest of nods. Rey’s bottom lip trembled. A loose strand of hair had fallen into her face. With his free hand, Ben reached up to brush it aside. His palm slid over her face and came to rest on the side of her neck, his fingers just below her hairline. He leaned forward and kissed her softly.

Leia exhaled with a small sniff of satisfaction, causing them to break apart.

“Not light conquering dark or darkness snuffing out the light. But balance--the two coexisting together in harmony. It’s your turn to take on the galaxy now. Han and Luke are gone and my time is up too.”

“No!” Rey cried. “We can still find a way to heal you.”

“Oh dear Rey. I’ve already been healed,” Leia said softly as she pointed to the two of them, hands still clasped. She reached for the medallion hanging from her neck and opened it. Inside was a glowing violet stone.

“Is that… a kyber crystal?” Rey asked with awe. 

“Yes. A very rare one too.”

"Where in the galaxy did you find it?"

"Han did, oddly enough. On one of his smuggling operations."

“But… I don’t know how to build a lightsaber.”

“I do,” Ben said quietly.

“You’re stronger together,” Leia said again with a weak smile.

Rey cried in earnest now. She let go of Ben’s hand as she knelt to pull Leia into a fierce hug. Up until then, Ben had maintained his composure. When Rey pulled away, she saw tears in Ben’s eyes. She took a few steps backwards while Ben moved forward and sat on an ottoman in front of Leia’s chair. He pulled his mother into a tight embrace. They stayed like that for several minutes, until Rey saw Leia’s form go limp in Ben’s arms.

Ben let out a howl of anguish. When he turned to face her, Rey had a momentary flashback of him making a similar sound in her room before he lost control. She watched him carefully but was startled when he grabbed her arm and yanked her closer to him. He wrapped one arm around her waist and rested his other hand on her hip, his face buried in her torso. She held him tightly with one hand and with the other, she stroked his onyx hair gently as he cried into her chest.

Rey realized that Leia had held on long enough for this. To bring them back together.


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I know some of you might be upset with me, BUT hear me out. I’m starting grad school in a few days and I know once school starts, I will have very little, if any, time to write (at least for fun). I've read way too many fics that I fell in love with and then real life got in the way and the story was left unfinished. I didn’t want to leave you hanging indefinitely like that. Leia’s death was my main climax and the catalyst that brought Ben & Rey back together. This serves as a sort of epilogue and when I get into the swing of school, I may pick it back up, may not. But this way it brings the story to some resolution with the opportunity to continue if I can. But I didn’t wanna leave y’all hanging! Not after you’ve been so supportive. Love you all! <3

Ben returned to his fighter with the promise that he’d come back as soon as he could. They both realized that with Leia gone, Ben’s acceptance among the Resistance fighters would probably not be easy. They decided their best move would be to have Ben return and work from the inside to dismantle the First Order. Meanwhile, Rey could convince the others of his trustworthiness.  

As he boarded the fighter, he reached out to hand Rey the medallion he carried with him, but she closed his open palm.

“Keep it with you. Let it remind you what we’re fighting for.”

He has already halfway up the boarding ramp when he turned around and came back down. 

“Rey… I love you.”

“I know,” she said.

They both smiled, knowing that was how Ben’s mother and father’s first expression of love had gone. Ben took her in his arms and kissed her fiercely, neither of them knowing when they'd see each other again. When she opened her eyes, the ramp was already rising and the ship was airborne.

She turned back to reenter the base. Their first step was to leave Hoth and find a new command post. Rey would not miss the bitter cold but the memories from this planet made it significant to her. She would miss it. Ben had expressed concern about how he would find her once they did leave Hoth. Rey initially had suggested the beacon bracelets Leia had used when Rey went to Ahch-To. Ben rejected the idea, saying it would be too easy for Hux or someone else from the First Order to get ahold of his and track her down.

Though neither of them were certain, they both strongly suspected that they would be able to connect through the Force at will now. Neither could identify it, but both of them had felt a shift. A balance, as Leia put it.

The Resistance had found a new base of operations on a forest moon. C3PO had remarked that it bore a similar likeness to the moon they’d been on when the Empire was defeated, except this moon had no indigenous species that revered him. There was an abandoned military compound on the moon that served their purpose well. Rey had heard of Rose’s remark to Finn on Crait--that to win the war, they must save what they love and not fight what they hate. Rey thought it was exactly what she needed to help her friends see that Ben was not their enemy.

Finn had been the hardest to convince. Having served unwillingly in the First Order, he wanted to see the entire organization and all of its members burn. For a while, it seemed like nothing Rey said or did would convince him. Almost a month after they’d left Hoth, Rey found an unexpected surprise.

Leia had left Rey and Chewie her personal effects, which weren’t many. They’d been so busy setting up their new operations center, Rey hadn’t had a chance to go through it. She found a small hinged-lid box. On the lid was the same cross-legged figure featured on the medallion she’d given Ben. When she opened it, she felt an overwhelming rush of affection for their departed general. There was a small round disc that she knew, when activated, was a holographic recording. It was dated for the day they lost Leia. Underneath it was a small scrap of paper with Leia’s familiar narrow scrawl upon it.

 

 

 

> _Rey,  
>  Thought this might help you convince the others. I love you both dearly. You’re stronger together, so take care of each other. May the Force be with you  always.  
>  Leia _

For a moment, Rey had stared at the note in confusion. Leia had died in Ben’s arms, which meant she must have written the note beforehand. Rey shook her head in disbelief. Had Leia known all along Ben would come back to them? She realized Leia had planned for anything and everything--including Ben’s redemption.

Rey watched the recording by herself first. She wondered how Leia had recorded the events in her room and then remembered a detail that she’d forgotten from that day. R2 had been in the corner of the room. He must have recorded the entire thing. Rey said a silent thank you to Leia for her prudent planning.

She gathered together Poe, Finn, Rose, Chewie, and a few other high-ranking members. When she played the recording, they reacted how she expected them to. They were all emotional to see Leia’s final moments and shocked to see the supposed enemy Kylo Ren inside their base. When they saw him and Rey kiss, she felt her face burn hot and refused to look at any of them. She knew Chewie would take no convincing. Poe had surprised her the most. He was such a hot headed act-first, think-later kind of person. He’d told her that he thought it was great and that he was tired of the run-around with the First Order. Rose had chimed in, saying she was shocked that Ben was Leia’s son but was excited to see things change. Finally, Finn had shrugged and simply said if it made her happy, he’d learn to live with it but not to expect him to ever be friends with Ben. It was about the best she could hope for from him.  She was just grateful that they hadn’t all out refused to consider the idea of him.

Meanwhile, Ben had made quite a bit of progress on the First Order—Hux and several other high-ranking officials had been given a choice: reformation or execution. Rey hadn’t initially been fond of that method, but after one of the admirals who’d chosen reform had later attempted a blitz attack on an unarmed Resistance transport, she became fully on board. Somehow, they had each convinced their respective allies that fighting until there was no one left was not the answer. Rey wasn’t sure if an everlasting peace would result, but it had to be better than making the same mistakes as the previous generations.

It took almost three months, but finally things had calmed down enough that Ben felt it was safe to go to her. He closed his eyes and willed the Force to take him to her. When he opened them, she was smiling at him from behind a small workstation in what had to be her room. She had assembled the components necessary to construct her new lightsaber, which were scattered across the table of the workstation.

“This room is much bigger than your last one,” Ben observed.

“We have a much more spacious operations center.”

A heavy silence passed between them. Rey finally broke it.

“Ben… I’m so, so sorry.”

“You did everything you could to help her and she adored you. I'm not angry at you. It was just her time.”

“Not just that… I’m sorry I called you...”

Ben closed the distance between them and held her tightly. He towered over her, which allowed him to kiss the top of her head with ease.

“None of that matters now,” he said gently before releasing her. “The First Order is significantly  weakened and it won’t be much longer before it’ll be dissolved.”

He looked back at the table and remarked, “You’ve made quite a bit of progress on your own.”

“Yes, but I’m stuck. I don’t know what to do from here.”

They worked on the saber for several hours until finally it was completed. Ben checked a few things on it before handing it over to Rey. She held it delicately—Leia’s parting gift to her. She pressed the activation button and the purple blade of light whirred.

“It’s… beautiful,” Rey said in awe.

“Mmm… beautiful indeed,” Ben replied.

Rey looked up to see he wasn’t looking at the lightsaber, but at her. She deactivated the weapon and set it gently on the table.

She moved from around the table so they were standing on the same side of it. She placed her hands on his shoulders and stood on the tips of her toes, but even then she was still not tall enough. He leaned forward slightly and she kissed him, his lips warm and soft and inviting. She parted her lips and allowed his tongue to explore her mouth. She felt her pulse quicken as Ben grabbed hold of her hips and hoisted her up without breaking the kiss. She gripped his thighs with her knees and ran her fingers through his thick, black hair as he held her tighter.

Their lovemaking was both tender and passionate. Afterward, they both lay on her bed facing one another, breathing deeply. One of Ben’s huge arms was wrapped around her petite torso. He was propped up on his other arm as he gazed at her. She lightly ran a finger over the scar on his cheek.

“I love you, Ben.”

“I know,” was his reply.

Rey smiled, remembering Han and Leia and feeling hopeful for the future, as she fell asleep in his arms.

 

********************************

 

Eight short weeks later, Rey was standing on the boarding ramp to the _Millennium Falcon_ , waving to Ben to hurry up.

He stood 25 yards away on the ramp to his own ship, the _Organa._

“Why do we have to go in that old piece of junk? Mine is new. And more comfortable.”

Rey rolled her eyes at him.

“Oh Ben, really? Yes, this old ship is garbage compared to your shiny new one, but it’s familiar to them. If they see _your_ ship on the horizon, they’ll probably wet themselves and refuse to look you in the eyes.”

“They’ll probably still do that. I’m very intimidating, you know.” 

Rey snorted. “Oh come on, fly boy. One quick trip in the _Falcon_ and then we’ll come back for yours. Chewie wants it anyway, and I quite feel he deserves it.”

Ben pursed his lips and dragged his feet toward her.

“You know, my father used to get so mad when anyone talked trash about this ship.”

“I’m sure he did. It made the kessel run in fourteen parsecs, after all.”

“Twelve,” Ben corrected automatically.

When he reached the ramp, Ben lightly kicked one of the support beams with the tip of his boot. “Hey, old gal. I can’t believe you’re still around.”

“You _are_ the one who called it a piece of junk,” Rey reminded him.

“It is a piece of junk. Anyone who didn’t know any better would pass over it in a heartbeat. It’s garbage, like you said.”

“Yes, but to go and meet the Resis…. my friends,” she corrected herself since they were trying to avoid naming sides anymore.

“Yeah, I know,” Ben said. “The garbage will do.”

From the top of the ramp, Chewbacca hollered.

“Quit your bellyaching, fuzzball!” Ben hollered back. “We’re coming!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to just tell you all again how overwhelmed and grateful I am for your support. This wouldn't have made it past chapter 2 if you all hadn't encouraged me to keep going. This is the best fandom I've ever been a part of. You guys are truly awesome!!  
> Much love,  
> Ravenhoot


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